Talk About the Water Works...

For some reason, I had this desire to hole up in my recliner and surf through people's blogs this evening. I have had a lot on my mind recently with just a couple weeks to go and wanted some kind of escape. What I got was something completely different. I came across a popular blog, that some of you know, Bring the Rain.

I don't think this story could have come at a better time. With so much left to do, I have strayed from the one place I have needed to be the most, my Bible. I can feel it in my soul, slipping away as I go through the days of the week. It's like a constant reminder in the back of my mind telling me the longer I stay away, the farther I'm going to stray. I keep having these little conversations in my head with God admitting to my absence and asking more or less rhetorically, when are you gonna get my attention again? It's like I'm trying to see how far I can push him before he says, Yup that's too far Sarah.

I was feeling, for the most part, that things were going as best as they possibly could, based on the circumstances. Today, however, I felt a shift. I felt like things may not work out as planned. I felt the doubt in the decisions I had, until today, thought pretty certain of. I know everyone has my best interests at heart and want only the best and to help in any way they can. That's what friends and family are for in times like this, and I certainly have an amazing group of people surrounding me. But what happens when you disagree with the people's opinions that mean the most to you? How are you supposed to handle that? I mean, I feel like I'll be letting someone down if I don't agree with how they think I should do things. I feel guilty for not wanting to do it their way. What does that mean? I'm completely and utterly terrified by the choices I am being forced to make. I'm not ready for this. Not in the least. I know it's all apart of the consequences that go along with my actions, but that doesn't mean it makes it any easier.

This brings me back to the blog I came across. For those of you that don't know, it's about the story of a baby destined for heaven from her mother's sweet womb. From several complications, her parents were told she would not live. I started from the beginning post, and read for hours, all the way through to her passing in the hospital. I read about the pain this family endured through only to know that she would never come home. I cried after almost every entry her mother posted. I sat here bewildered by her feircesome and unmoving faith in her Savior. To sit here and feel Ava twirl and kick like crazy and read about another woman's trial of losing her angel was incredibly hard to bear. I couldn't help but imagine being in her shoes and wondering how differently I would have handled that situation. Would I have had the strength to not only carry her as long as possible, but rejoice in knowing God has a plan for her that doesn't involve remaining in this world with me? I envy that faith and love for God. I want to be able to stand firm no matter what happens, knowing it's in God's hands and it is being done for His will. I want to be that person who can say, "I think that my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked into this room," even when it means losing something incredibly precious like a baby. I want to be able to make that statement that no matter what happens, He is always there and unchanging. I know this in my heart, but it's completely different when things aren't going my way.

The discovery of this blog I think has acted as more or less like a shockwave into my heart. I have felt things in my heart tonight that I haven't felt in weeks. I couldn't help but think about her story even after I was done reading. It added that weight on my soul that I needed. A reminder to not let the true desires of my heart slip away just because I feel too busy to take 30 minutes out of my day to spend it with God. I encourage anyone that hasn't already, to check out her blog here.

The Worst Pain Ever!

I have to say, when people tell me, "Don't worry, this is so much worse than childbirth," i feel relieved. It. Is. Excruciating. Kidney stones are horrible. I was so worried about what to do when the time to deliver came. I didn't know if I could handle the pain, should i get an epideral, should i just stick it out? I have never been so appreciative of high powered drugs. They saved my sanity and I am so very thankful! I'm feeling much better now, although the pain in my left side is starting to come back and I'm worried that I might have another one on its way :(

There is definitely one positive, if I could get through this, I could get through childbirth. They ran several tests trying to figure out what was going on and what needed to be done if i didn't pass a stone. I got to have another ultrasound and see my sweet baby Ava! She is huge already! I still have another 4 weeks or so to go and she is estimated at already 6 lbs 14 oz! All the nurses kept commenting on how big she was. She has such precious lips. It's amazing what you can see in an ultrasound. She was yawning and posing for us, it was so cute! I can't wait to meet her! She seems to fancy my ribs and loves letting me know she's in there! I can't believe how close I am to holding my sweet baby!

T minus 7 and Bible Study Recap

Where has the time gone? I remember waiting so long to find out what I was having and now it's almost over! Just 7 short weeks to go. Things are really starting to come together. Her car seat I picked out arrived this week and it really just hit home that very very soon I will be carting her around everywhere (looking very stylish I might add). I am so very thankful that Dustin and Katherine saved my crib crisis! We found that part of my crib broke somehow and, being that it's so old, the company would not give us a replacement part. In the end, it works out even better because, being the matching fanatic I am, her crib will now match the changing table that Stephanie and Jason are letting me use! I don't know what I would do without such great family to be there for me and help me! Everyone has shared so much with me, I would be completely lost without them.

I have finally picked a name! When I think about talking to her and spending time with her, nothing comes close. In just 7 weeks everyone will be meeting the beautiful Ava Renee! I get more and more anxious everyday! The closer it gets, the more impatient I get. I want to hold her in my arms and kiss every part of her quite athletic body! She is kicking like crazy and I am amazed every time.

This week was the last week for the Beth Moore study Believing God. I really enjoyed this study and it has really motivated me to read my Bible more and has encouraged me to stay faithful. I find myself in constant prayer wherever I go. In the last night, my small group leader asked us to write down a quote or a bible verse that really stuck out throughout the study. It's so hard to just chose one but when she passed out the note cards, there was one that was really sticking out in my mind. In the closing video Beth Moore made the comment, "God isn't looking for perfection, He is looking for FAITH!" That really hit home for me. Every time I make a mistake or a poor decision, I am so inclined to just throw in the towel. I feel like I can't ever get it together so I might as well give up. But God doesn't want perfection. He knows I will have bad days. He knows I will not always make the wise decision. Yet, He loves me anyway because He remembers that He made me from dust. I don't need to be perfect, but I do need to be repentant and ask for forgiveness. I do need to learn from my mistakes. I learn more and more each day, it's amazing to feel such a transformation going on inside and to know that it's only the beginning and my relationship with God is only going to grow.

I appreciate all of the prayers I know have been prayed over me and my choices. I ask for prayer for little Ava and I and for the many decisions ahead that will be made for her well-being. Things look like they will not be easy in the near future and I'm praying whatever happens will be for her and not for any selfish reasons by her father or I.

I'm excited to say I am getting a new camera soon so I will finally be able to actually show you, and not just tell you, what's going on! I can't wait to take lots of pictures! :)

Spring Break!

Wow what a busy week! It has been so nice to just relax and take care of things that need to be done! Spring Break started out with a few days in the Houston area! The lovely cousin Marie finally got married! It was such a stressful process for her, I'm glad she got to enjoy it when the actual day came. We started off Friday night with the rehearsal dinner at Chris's parent's house with some awesome bbq and some fabulous banana pudding (courtesy of momma) and dump cake, with no nuts (courtesy of granny!). I stayed the night with the bride to be and then we hung out all day saturday drinking champagne (not me) and orange juice and playing with make up and hair! It was very relaxing, until we started running short on time! We made it just in time though. The ceremony was quick and simple and then we indulged ourselves in some yummy cake and cake balls. The cake balls were so delicious! I don't like red velvet cake, but i couldn't stop eating them!

Marie and Chris Funderburg's Cake



I'm so glad Steph and Jason and Hudson could make it to the wedding! Hudson was so adorable, I love spending time with him! :)



After the wedding, my mother and I spent the next couple days staying with Jason and Steph. It was the first time I got to see their new apartment and I loved it! We spent a good chunk of Sunday playing around with some trivia questions. On Monday, we went and got coffee with Steph and then headed to the Houston Zoo. It was really fun but i'm sure i will start enjoying the zoo even more once i have my little girl to take with me! I got to see my favorite fish, the clown fish and some other neat fish! The whole event went pretty well. I only experienced a little overheating and extremely sore feet! haha




I had my last monthly checkup on Tuesday. Everything is still going very well. She's kicking up a storm and I'm really starting to see her from the outside every time. It's so amazing! I'm now going in every two weeks, I can't believe how fast this has gone. It seemed to go by so slowly in the beginning, now the weeks seem to be disappearing! My parents and I have been busy finishing painting and preparing the house for Easter. In the process, her room is really coming along! Today we painted her room and hung her curtain my mother made her! It's just what I wanted! Here's a couple pictures I took of her room and bedding:







We also finished the painting in my room and started hanging things on the wall; its finally coming together!



Back to work tomorrow and back to reality, but I'm counting down the days until Easter! Can't wait to see all the family again!

IT'S A GIRL!

I am so very happy to announce (to anyone that doesn't know already) that i'm having a little girl! I never saw it being this way, but it's what i really wanted! Growing up, I always wanted to have two older boys and then a sweet baby girl. This, however, is not what God had in His plan. I'm torn between two names, one is a family name and the other is just one i have really come to like. I'm not really a stickler for keeping them a secret, so i'm putting them out there. You can tell me what you think, it won't bother me. In the end, it's my decision anyway :)

The first name is Aileen Grace. Aileen was my great aunt's name (my mother's aunt) and I really just think it's a wonderful name. Very classic and beautiful. I like Grace for two reasons. First, it reminds me of just how thankful I am that by the grace of God, she is healthy (so far) and my very own. Second, I like it because I think it flows so well and adds a great touch to the whole name.



The second name is Delaney Marie or Delaney Renee. Renee is of course my middle name. I never really thought about it, until my mother happened to mention it. I kind of like the idea of my little girl having something from me, even if it is only a middle name. I like Marie because it sounds pretty with Delaney (and although it is my cousin's name, she will not be named after her lol, sorry Ree). I really love the sound of Delaney. It doesn't have a particularly great meaning (from the alder grove, i think) and it's not a family name, but it's been growing on me. It's not an extremely popular name, which i like as well. It was probably my least favorite part of growing up with the name Sarah. I think it's a pretty name, but it's so popular for my generation, I was usually at least one of two if not more in my classes.



My mom and I have already gone shopping to celebrate, and she officially has her first outfit! It's very cute! Thanks Mom! It's hard to imagine I still have 19 weeks or so to go, but from what I hear she'll be here before i know it!

Time to Update

We are officially out of the other house and into the new one! Mom has been working hard to make everything go where she wants, and the kitchen is finally looking like a functional kitchen again. They also got their new high dining table yesterday and it looks great! We're all still trying to catch up on some sleep. Once i find my camera I'm sure I can get some pictures up!

I'm getting very nervous about my appointment coming up. On Monday I will have another ultrasound and will get to sneak a peak at what I'm having. I know I will be so happy with whatever it is, but I'm leaning more towards a girl still. I really just want the doctor to tell me everything looks great, like the last visits. I know the baby is growing (bc my belly is definitely growing) but I'm concerned at the lack of movement I feel. I'm about 99% sure that I've felt the baby move a couple times, but each time was so far apart from the other that I'm starting to second guess myself. Maybe I should just count myself lucky that it's not so active yet, but I really just want to feel it move more so I know that it's still doing ok. I have several friends that are pregnant and close to where I'm at and they've been feeling all sorts of things already. I guess I'll just have to wait 5 more days to find out.

I start school next week as well, so that's going to be a shock of a change. I've grown so accustomed to no school, I'm really gonna have to work to study and focus on good grades. Hopefully in 2 years or less, I will finally be graduating!

Next week I'm also starting Beth Moore's "Believing God" Bible Study at Hill Country. I've heard great things about her and I'm really looking forward to it! I really appreciate everyone's prayers with my pregnancy and my struggle with my faith. I have been seeking out more and more answers to questions I've had for a long time.

Closed!

It's official! The parentals have finally closed on the new house! We've been over there painting sample spots, making sure we like the colors, and planning out rooms already! Lucy has already had her first trip to the house and is loving it as far as we can tell. She got tired running up and down the stairs over and over! It's been a little stressful trying to get everything done, so i'm sure this comes from all of us when we say thank you for your prayers!

I had a wonderful morning! I got up and went to the yoga class at the gym with Amanda and as we were doing the "upward dog" i felt the baby moving! It felt almost like a tidal wave in my stomach (i don't think it liked me laying on top of it). Each day, i'm feeling more pregnant and less bloated! haha. Anyway, I just wanted to share, I was really excited! I find out on the 18th of January what I'll be having! I just can't believe how fast this is going. At first it felt like the slowest process ever, but now it feels like it's just slipping away. Anyway, I can't wait to find out if my prediction was right or not. I'm still feeling it's a girl, but of course I will still be thrilled if it's a boy! Thank you for everyone's prayers. I am finding that, so far, I have been extremely lucky with my pregnancy. My blood pressure was a little high last visit, but they said it was nothing to worry about yet, so i'm trying my hardest to do what I can to make sure it stays where it is supposed to be!

I'll try to post a few pictures of the new house soon!