This week we had Ava's 15 month check up with our sweet doctor, Dr. Bocchicchio. It was the hardest one yet. I have become so accustomed to Ava's sweet nature and easy going attitude that it never dawned on me that it wouldn't last. I'm sure in years to come, it will return, but as far as right now, we are just not having any way but her way (or at least that's what she thinks). She screamed and cried and clung to me (and Poppy) the entire appointment. Even getting her height measured threw her into a terrorizing scream. You thought that Ms. Mary was pulling her legs off the way she was crying. Through all the poking and prodding, we managed to make it out of there with three really cool looking bandaids and a milk. We opted not to give her the flu shot as of right now, so please pray that she doesn't catch it from anyone! We feel at this time, with the little interaction that she gets on the day to day basis, she doesn't need the shot.
Her percentiles are:
Head: 98%...yes that's right, big brain!!
Weight: 80% (23 lbs. 6 oz.)
Height: 50% (30 3/8")...we are getting smaller and smaller with each visit.
We also found out that she has 9 teeth now! One molar has squeezed through on the right side, and we are patiently awaiting the arrival of the other 3 that are trying to push their way through! These are definitely effecting her more than any of the other teeth. She's a tough little girl, but I'm really looking forward to when she gets all her little teeth in!
Tonight has been a night I don't think I will ever forget.
Every night I lay in bed and talk to God until I fall asleep. Every night during this time, I think to myself, "I should really be on my knees right now."
I truly feel like I was struck by the hand of God as I started this routine tonight. For the first time in a long time, I climbed up on my knees, folded my hands, and went to work. I prayed like I had never prayed before and I felt my heart overflow with such warmth and joy. I thanked God for an amazing time with my family, the past week of relaxation and opportunities to catch up with old friends, and my expanding confidence in myself as a Christian. Most of all, I prayed for the people in my life. There are many different reasons why I prayed for these people, but most of all, I prayed that God would touch them in a way only He could do.
I am a Prayer Warrior!
For the first time, I KNOW what that means! I understand the power of prayer, and from now on I intend to use it, as much as I can, and as often as I can.
After praying tonight, I literally smiled so huge and chuckled to myself I was so amazed at what had just happened. I was so hyped up that I had to once again, pray for a slower heart rate so I could fall asleep. It didn't happen, and I feel it was because God was pushing me to share my excitement. Yes, it's 1:30 in the morning, and no I do not feel like I could possibly sleep if I wanted to right now. God really has a sense of humor, because I really NEED to get some sleep right now :P
I look back on my life the past couple of years and am just amazed at how my life has changed. I was headed nowhere fast, and by nowhere, I mean straight to hell. I was falling fast. But God saved me. He gave me I think the only wake up call that could have really gotten my attention. She is the most beautiful wake up call I have ever seen, and I can't thank God enough for her. I don't think she will ever understand what her existence has really done in my life. People compliment me all the time on how great of a job I'm doing as a single mom and how it must be so hard. I thank them on the outside, but on the inside I marvel at their statement. I'm not doing this alone; not in the least bit. God has led me every step of the way. He has provided me with parents that continue to support me in every way possible. He is my rock. When I think I can't take it anymore, He is there to hold me up and to help me through. I truly stand in awe of Him.
Words cannot express what I am feeling right now and the thousands of thoughts that are playing in my mind. This is something that has to be shared, and being that it's so early in the morning, I didn't feel right calling anyone (you can thank me later) :P Thank you to all who never gave up on me and continued to pray for me through the years. Thank you for "harassing" me about having a relationship with God and making me feel like there is still hope for me. I once felt like there was no saving my soul, my life. I can see now how far off base I was about that. Thank you for caring for my spiritual well-being. I love you!
Ava's first birthday party was last saturday at the park! We had a lot of fun swinging and crawling all over the playscape with our buddies! Unfortunately (but really a blessing) Ava is a dainty eater, so there wasn't really a lot of smashing going on with her cake! I stepped in and improvised, but just for the video's sake. After we played in the park, we went to the splash park and played in the water to cool off. It was really nice seeing some friends and I'm so thankful for the whole day!
The best part about reading Christian Fiction, in my mind, is the impact it has on my daily reflection in the Word. Currently I am reading the latest Kingsbury book in the Bailey Flannigan series, Leaving. I love getting lost in this made up world. The people in these books are truly amazing individuals who seem to know what life is all about. Whenever I read these books, I tend to look up a lot of the scripture in the book that she incorporates in the story. A lot of it I am familiar with, but I love looking it up and reading what is before and after the verse(s). In this book, Matthew 6:34 comes up frequently. I remind myself of this scripture on a daily basis, who doesn't? After seeing it several times in the book, I decided to look it up and read more of the surrounding text. I love Matthew 6:34, but the verses leading up to that really left me thinking:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? "So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 25-34
As I read this, I asked myself how many times a day do I sit there and fret about something I cannot control? I get upset because I can't afford the things I wish to afford, or I don't look exactly how I ideally want to look, or I can't eat at all the fancy restaurants. What does that really matter? Wearing fancy name brand clothing is not going to matter at the moment I meet Jesus. He's not going to ask me if I drove the coolest car in town. Why worry about what people will think of you by bringing up His name or telling them the good news? I will be rewarded in Heaven for doing His will, not mine.
I felt the need to share what was on my heart; these verses really hit home for me. I have a stressful year ahead of me, but I know these words will always be here to comfort my soul and get me through it.
Here is a parting picture of my princess who is turning 1 in 2 days!
I love her wide-eyed look! She has such a beautiful personality!
Tonight I sit here looking at other people's blogs before I go to bed. I can't help but wonder, "do I have anything worth saying?" I like the idea of having a place where I can write my thoughts down and share them with the world (or the few that actually read them). After looking at my blog, and it's seemingly one-track focus, I wonder if it matters? I love reading other people's blogs who have such a voice that shines through and you feel like you're almost a part of their every day lives because they're so gracious to take that precious time. I am so effected by these blogs at times, it brings me to tears.
I want my words to matter like their's matter to me. But do I have anything worth saying?
I hope so. I hope my words and my posts make a difference to someone. I find I don't have a ton of time to blog, and it's something I would love to do. I have all these thoughts that fly through my head and I am itching to write about them, maybe next year? haha, I think that's just about when I'll be able to breathe again.
This summer I made a promise to myself and to God to draw closer, to dig deep and develop a loving relationship. I changed a lot about the way I was living and I'm proud of myself for doing so. Nothing has ever felt more right. I read my Bible, I went to Bible Study, I prayed unceasingly.
and then that wall got built again.
I feel like I'm on one side of the Great Wall of China and God is on the other. I tear it down and run to Him, but slowly the wall builds up again and I'm struggling to see the light shining through the cracks. I don't want to peak through the cracks, I want to feel the light gleaming on my face as I bask in His glory. Why can't I let go and Let God!?
I NEED a Bible Study group. Bad. It was major encouragement for me. I was surrounded with loving, Godly women, not that I'm surrounded with ungodly women now, just no women at all. I was so happy with myself and at peace, finally after so many years, for the mistakes I made. I was looking forward to the future with a desire and a hope I never knew before. It was my candle burning bright kind of moment and I feel like someone is trying to put my light out. I know it might be a lot to ask, but I could sure use some encouragement to dig deeper. I am regularly attending church now, with mom sometimes, with a friend other times. I love it and I feel so rejuvenated afterwards. I just want to carry that feeling throughout the week.
Jeremy Kay - Have It All seems to be my theme song these days. Of course it's a bluesy song.
John 16:33. My favorite verse these days. I cling to it in my worst moments of doubt.
Life needs a purpose. God is my purpose. I have rededicated my life for Him, and I want the outside to reflect the inside. Each day I grow closer to God in building my relationship with Him. All things come from Him and in His timing. This is something new for me, but I trust and believe that God is leading me in the right direction in my life.
I couldn't ask for more supportive, loving, and understanding people to call family. I love my beautiful daughter, volleyball, my dog Lucy, reading, long discussions, but really ANY discussions, with my brothers, and playing with my nephews and nieces.
I am digging into the Word and looking for ways to get my life more engulfed in the right surroundings. I am currently getting involved with a small group and looking for ways to serve the church I soon hope to call my second home. :)
