Do I have anything worth saying?

Tonight I sit here looking at other people's blogs before I go to bed. I can't help but wonder, "do I have anything worth saying?" I like the idea of having a place where I can write my thoughts down and share them with the world (or the few that actually read them). After looking at my blog, and it's seemingly one-track focus, I wonder if it matters? I love reading other people's blogs who have such a voice that shines through and you feel like you're almost a part of their every day lives because they're so gracious to take that precious time. I am so effected by these blogs at times, it brings me to tears.

I want my words to matter like their's matter to me. But do I have anything worth saying?

I hope so. I hope my words and my posts make a difference to someone. I find I don't have a ton of time to blog, and it's something I would love to do. I have all these thoughts that fly through my head and I am itching to write about them, maybe next year? haha, I think that's just about when I'll be able to breathe again.

This summer I made a promise to myself and to God to draw closer, to dig deep and develop a loving relationship. I changed a lot about the way I was living and I'm proud of myself for doing so. Nothing has ever felt more right. I read my Bible, I went to Bible Study, I prayed unceasingly.

and then that wall got built again.

I feel like I'm on one side of the Great Wall of China and God is on the other. I tear it down and run to Him, but slowly the wall builds up again and I'm struggling to see the light shining through the cracks. I don't want to peak through the cracks, I want to feel the light gleaming on my face as I bask in His glory. Why can't I let go and Let God!?

I NEED a Bible Study group. Bad. It was major encouragement for me. I was surrounded with loving, Godly women, not that I'm surrounded with ungodly women now, just no women at all. I was so happy with myself and at peace, finally after so many years, for the mistakes I made. I was looking forward to the future with a desire and a hope I never knew before. It was my candle burning bright kind of moment and I feel like someone is trying to put my light out. I know it might be a lot to ask, but I could sure use some encouragement to dig deeper. I am regularly attending church now, with mom sometimes, with a friend other times. I love it and I feel so rejuvenated afterwards. I just want to carry that feeling throughout the week.

Jeremy Kay - Have It All seems to be my theme song these days. Of course it's a bluesy song.

John 16:33. My favorite verse these days. I cling to it in my worst moments of doubt.